Monday 25 of november

(Voor de nederlandse versie scroll naar volgende blog)

6 candles. One for each month of survival of the diagnosis. Today Exactly half a year ago, our lives collapsed. Completely. On that day nothing was left of what we fancied important. All hope was gone and with all our strength we clung to our Lord to keep standing a bit. We knew deep desperation but He was there for us He did not drop us although in times this was not always obvious to us. I still can hear the voice of that dokter....I still can feel the pain tearing my whole being apart while hearing his words..... Actually these happenings are not quite fit to reflect upon in a festive way. On the other hand: Stefan is alive. Six full months he has been surviving cancer stage 4. We are so glad he's still there. We figured this was a good reason for a party. So we bought a cake and put six candles on top. "Dad what do you want us to sing?" the children asked. Normally when there is cake and candles we sìng the dutch anniversary song which says: "that he might have a long life" In some way I understood, they found that inappropriate. We disagreed with them. Stefan replied: "the normal song we will sing" And so we did. with full enthousiasm.: "That he might have a long life"

At the end of the day we had the opportunity to celebrate the Eucharist in our house. We started reflecting on the word "Eucharist".... Thanksgiving. The children were to name reasons to give thanks: "For nature, for eachother, for our house, for Jesus living in our place (in our private chapel), for mom and dad."

To be honest: We are tired and exhausted. We're fed up with suffering. We wished all was over. It is not. Not yet. We keep praying for a miracle and for His strength and wisdom to follow His will.
On the other hand, and this might be quite contradictory to what people might expect, but unless everything, in the last half year our Lord entered into our lives in the deepest way imaginable. We thank Him and we love Him more and more.

For the Lord is the great God,
And the great King above all gods.

In His hand are the deep places of the earth;

The heights of the hills are His also.
The sea is His, for He made it;
And His hands formed the dry land.
Oh come, let us worship and bow down;
Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker.
For He is our God,
And we are the people of His pasture,
And the sheep of His hand.
Ps 95, 3-9